Paranoid Person
He senses someone. He turns around. Nobody is there. He walks on. He hears someone’s footsteps. He turns. No one. He continues walking. This time he feels it. This time he is sure it isn’t his imagination. He turns his head. Nothing, nothing at all. He panics. He runs home.
Alphabet Soup
“G”, Jimmy says as he puts the letter in his mouth.
“O”, he oh-ed in delight.
“N”, a joyous laughter follows.
Jimmy scoops up another letter with his spoon.
“E” he says.
Just then, his elder brother Brad snatches the bowl and pours everything into his mouth.
“Gone”, Jimmy sighs.
Take the Thrash Out
“Randal!” His mom screams.
Randal continues working.
“Take the thrash out!” She shouts.
“Your hear me?! I said ‘Take the thrash out!’”
“Focus”, Randal tells himself.
“RANDAL! TAKE THE THRASH OUT THIS INSTANT!”
Randal walks down, carries his mom out the door and dumps her next to the rubbish chute.
Younger Brother Deserves It
“Why did you buy a red pencil?” Drake’s younger brother asks.
“To colour the blood,” Drake answers him.
“Why red?” He asks again, obviously trying to annoy Drake.
“Because blood IS red”, Drake replies.
“Why do you think blood is red?”
Drake punches his brother’s nose. It bleeds.
“That’s why.”
Walk In the Park
Kyle decides to take a walk in a park. He rests on a bench. He hears two boys fighting in front of him.
“No, Jill likes me!” one boy says.
“Jill says you are stupid!” the other reply.
“NO, Jill says you are stupid!”
“Stupid kids”, Kyle thinks to himself.
HAHAHAHAHA!!! i like the “take the thrash out” story…ONLY..lolx! =p
hahah your stories are hilarious! (:
Author: Colin
Title: Younger Brother Deserves It
What is it about: Drakes punches his annoying brother in order to answer his question.
What works: The last line was quite cool. “That’s why”. Realistic.
What doesn’t: Totally covered with dialogues, making it a little boring.
Author: Colin
Title: Younger brother deserves it
What it’s about: A boy trying to annoy his brother by asking him why he thinks blood is red. His brother became irritated and punched him.
What works: Able to picture the story without much description of blood scene. Uses 50 words well.
What doesn’t: Too much dialogue
Author: Colin
Title: Younger Brother Deserves it
What its about: younger brother annoying the older brother with his questions
What works: I like the way it ends – like how the older brother manages to shut the younger brother up (the way in which he did it)
What doesn’t: I didn’t quite like the opening sentence and I felt the title isn’t very appealing
Author: Colin
Title: Younger Brother deserves it.
What’s it about: Drake’s younger brother annoys him by asking him an obvious question and then he punches his younger brother to show him the answer.
What works: The conversation thingy.
What doesn’t: Too much dialogue.
Author: Colin
Title: Younger brother deserves it
What it’s about: About two brothers having a conversation about the colour red. Has a violent ending.
What doesn’t: It is more like a conversation than a story. You don’t get the storyline of the story. It is something like a part of a story than a story itself.
What works: You begin to wonder why the brothers are discussing about the colour red so it captivates your interest
Author: Colin
Title: Younger Brother Deserves It
What it’s about: A younger brother annoying his elder brother with questions and got beaten up in the end.
What works: It is very realistic like these stories do happen in real life.
What doesn’t: The whole story is made up of dialogues.
I’m hard-pressed to pick a favourite. Except for “Gone,” they all work from a similar theme. They’re witty, and with a nice twist ending. They also establish interesting characters that serve the purpose of fifty word stories well. Great work.
Colin
Younger brother deserves it
Brothers are arguing.
Opening with a question. There is a sense of satisfaction when the younger brother is punched.
A bit too obvious. The end is clear.
Colin
Younger brother deserves it
Brothers are arguing.
Opening with a question. There is a sense of satisfaction when the younger brother is punched.
A bit too obvious. The end is kinda expected
.
Colin
Younger brother deserves it
Brothers are arguing.
Opening with a question. There is a sense of satisfaction when the younger brother is punched.
A bit too obvious. The end is kinda expected.
Oops…sorry for posting the same thing Thrice.. i really suck at computer stuff and doing things right on a computer.
Author: Colin
Title: Younger brother deserves it
What it’s about: the younger brother irritates the older brother by asking a lot of questions.
What works: the story does link together from a pencil to the punch. It is easily apprehended and is realistic.
What doesn’t: too much dialogue. But is it too violent for a brother to punch the younger brother just because he is irritating him?